drama queenings

yaaay

it's make school make sense launch day in Scotland.

there has been loads of press interest and it tied in with an HMI report also launched today about the shoddy state of affairs in Scotland.

we arrived at school this morning - just in time cause I got lost trying to avoid the traffic (which really stressed laurie out) to have all his classmates run over and say they'd seen us on tv. we were surprised cause we don't watch breakfast tv.

they'd put a short version on (the one that is currently on the website). it didn't include Laurie speaking but the evening one was slightly extended to include a bit of his interview about them letting him have quiet space. he was pleased about this. the video link (to the top right of the page will be there for a day).

I just hope the previous headmistress was watching!!!! we were really well behaved and all the time never mentioned which school we had all the difficulty with. took a fairly positive approach. we were in the Glasgow herald education supplement today but no photo.

then tonight had a photographer around to take shots to accompany an article and interview in tomorrow's scotsman newspaper.

we had a quiet halloween and to avoid the trick or treaters we went to the cinema together.

tim has just walked in through the door, back from korea with presents - so have to stop blogging!

really wanted to include a smiley pic for today (and did post one on flickr) but just prefer this one...

performings

wow - what a day

in addition to normal work and the online tutoring course today was a mass of phone calls to sort out media stuff for the National Autistic Society 'Make Schools Make sense Campaign'

Tomorrow is the big launch in Scotland. I was supposed to go to Holyrood (Scottish Parliament) but can't cause Tim is still in Korea. The school press photos didn't materialise yet but the BBC came round to our flat tonight to record somthing for tomorrows regional news (BBC Scotland).

It was very rushed, highly nerveracking and I'm sure I looked like an idiot. Laurie was really nervous and, of course, the big bright light didn't help his autistic sensibilities. We had just got back from school pick-up so didn't even have time to brush hair, check wobbly bits, etc...

he did brilliantly though and got to have a feel for the fancy gear...



not only that he has got a part in the christmas pantomime as the king in a sleeping beauty performance. he is so chuffed (poncy british word meaning very very happy).

All this star stuff may go to his head.

The TV bit will be on BBC Scotland tomorrow night - 31st at 6.30. It will also be on the web site for about a day or so.

poor old tim missed it all so we'll have to tape it for him. he's back late tomorrow night... hector the wonderdog will be beside himself as he's been pining away...

ramblings

well they say you shouldn't tempt fate - the bloody magic stick (sorry staff) has broken in two. the amber eyes stayed stuck in but it happened on the morning he was going back to school after the holidays!!!!

5 minutes before leaving he was swishing it around (tchew tchew) when hector the wonderdog ran into it and broke it right in the middle.

talk about tears - we've promised to stick it back together and bind it with some string etc., etc.

anyway back at school and doing fine!!!! yaaaay - still amazed.

he cried all the way there on wednesday because tim has gone away to korea for a week for work. aw sweet...

I've been totally barmy and as well as doing all the school drop offs and pick ups and dog walking and housework and cooking and my normal job - I've also been an online tutor for Oxford Brookes University. It's a great course and I'm really enjoying it, but today I didn't get to sit down at the computer till late and I was just too tired. will make up tomorrow.

I am always over committing myself - one of those really annoying natural volunteers. At least my colleagues at work try to stop me doing it now.

Ohh and watch this space as the National Autistic Society are launching the 'Make school make sense' campaign in Scotland on 31st October. I've done my interview with the journalist and they may be taking photos of Laurie for the Glasgow Herald educational supplement next Tuesday and also for the Times Educatonal Supplement. Cool - we really get to support this really important campaign and Laurie says he'll be even more famous!

I think his flickr celebrity may have gone to his head; )

and I'm also supposed to be writing 5 things feminism has done for me cause I received a blog meme from Nicki. Haven't had time to think but did post this abstract photo which reminded me of a woman spinning and of stuff I used to read about women weaving communities and connecting things. Not in the sense of a spinning top which is often what I look like; )

imaginings

tim calls it "la la land" which does make me smile and laurie laughs at it too.

still it doesn't stop him spending all his time there. throughout the day he can be hard going "tcheeew tcheeew" and swinging his sword/light sabre/magic staff around and asking if I think his technique has improved.

of course with his technique he can slay a thousand orcs/dragons/enemy archers...

my favourite is the magic staff which we found on a forest walk and really does have a dragon head. we found some real amber (tree resin) on the same day and have made some jewel eyes.

the staff is truly magical - I need to try not to say "stop swinging that stick around" because it really annoys him

but he keeps dropping the bloody thing and apart from the noise I worry that the jewels will fall out and the resulting catastrophe will be too hard to bear...

here is one of this pics from the day he found the magic staff...

mummyings...

I took a photo today which captures the soul and the heart of my boy...

I cannnot stop looking at it...

I am in awe...

avengings

just because everything is going so well doesn't mean I have forgotten...

I will not stop fighting for the rights of people with autism to be understood

and I often feel like this...
nemesis

Nemesis, winged balancer of life,
dark-faced goddess, daughter of Justice
Mesomedes

smilings

it's been a while again due to work and stuff but the amazing news is - things are still going really well. the school is working out so well and we continue to have a happy boy...

I was away a bit this week and when I got back he was very giggly and talking about girlfriends!!! of course none of them will ever be good enough for my son; ) how great is that - he still talks about his friends and his writing and we have even sorted out some after school care which has made our lives easier.

we went for a meeting with the school and they said they couldn't imagine the class without him now and he won a citizenship award for helping others and encouraging them to read and write. some of the kids were not interested at all in writing before laurie turned up with his story blog and the dream of being a writer.

todays photo is all about blue skies and dreaming!

whistlings

I have a very happy boy - and that does make a change.

he loves his new school!!!!!

there have been a few blips and a few phonecalls with the new headmistress - which was expected. they are dealing with it very well so far.

despite this he loves it.

he is enjoying learning again

he has some pals

the kids are really making an effort...

he has made a positive impact on the class. he intoduced them to his blog and writing stories. they are al doing it now - at playtime for fun.

they all want to be famous and live in LA - so it goes...

here is my new whistling boy - may not last but fun for a while...

celebratings

such stunning news...

Laurie had a full week at school and he is still enjoying it...

he described it as 'a lovely school'
he said it was a million times better than the last one...

we spent the whole week waiting for the bad day... it didn't happen...yet

WOW this feels so strange...

the National Autistic Society contacted me about the Make School Make Sense Campaign being launched on 31st October in Scotland.

our story is going to be used as a case study - great...

we are feeling fairly positive - for a change

a happy photo for a change...

bettings

well if you'd asked me to put £20 down on the chance that today would go well - I wouldn't have gone for it on any odds (not that I understand the difference between 5-1 or 20-1)

1) I felt guilty at not being there (and had a wobbly start to the day)
2) I knew Laurie would be feeling very nervous
3) I've lost the ability to be totally optimistic

OK - so how did it go.

I think I've said before that we use numbers to measure how Laurie feels about things (he's comfortable with numbers). And today was..... (triumphant fanfare - but quiet for those with sensory sensitivities)...

nine and three quaters out of 10!!!!!

woah. big result. not many things get such a high result. Considering his days at the last school were in the minus figures and we haven't gone over five since we went to the Steiner school (which we failed to get in - see earlier post).

It's early days and we have learned to be philosophical...

there will be a honeymoon period BUT

he had a great day despite a teary start.

My son rocks big time - he is so brave and so open to new possibilities (despite the aspergers)

He talked for half an hour on the phone about his day and he described the group work session as 'good fun'.

so here I am daring to hope.

would I bet on the future - NO

but I may be a bit more hopeful. I've forgotten how to celebrate a good day. Maybe I'll get a bit more practice. Maybe not....

here I am waving to the future...

wild imaginings

wow - the visit to the new school went really well.

Laurie was really positive and the environment felt very gentle (despite being in one of the most deprived areas of Glasgow). The staff were fantastic and we had a really useful conversation about a plan for integrating him into the school.

The school only has 100 pupils (instead of the planned 400) so there is lots of space and quiet areas. Laurie went off with his teacher and met his new class. There is a boy with tourettes syndrome who looked after him. They had a great time. There are only 16 others in his class. maybe this could work...

So here is the plan...

instead of a slow transition we are going for a full time start (due to his positive response) from... tomorrow!!!!!!

and where am I - stuck in a hotel bar in bristol, while Tim completes the preparations for the morning. We went out and bought new clothes and shoes, etc. he is ready in a practical sense.

He is a bit nervous but really excited and positive. I wont be home till Thursday night - so have a few days at work while I wonder what's going on.

fingers, toes, and all relevant body bits crossed now! we are more hopeful but know that there will be some major blips. If it can work in mainstream school then this is a good try...

watch this space - we'll see if we can 'make school make sense' (National Autistic Society Campaign). I gave them piles of information about children with aspergers and learning and tried to explain his sensory issues. now it's over to them for a bit.

keep finding myself crying - a mixture of relief and apprehension and true admiration for such a brave kid.
how I feel today. best seen large - from a gravestone at the fabulous Glasgow Necropolis
melt...

For what is it to die, but to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?
Kahlil Gibran

new beginings

tomorrow we go to a new school....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and he is very positive about it.

if there is a goddess then now is the time to do your stuff lady...

we are...
apprehensive

hopeful

scared shitless

fingers crossed folks.

I wish we could take the new magic dragon staff...

layerings

back to reality

back to work

how can an email inbox be so demanding?

juggling the layers of life again so here is my representative photo

deeper than you imagine

That which I complained about in myself is some layers deeper than you imagine.
Anna Freud

musings

I keep having clashes with my past - how strange but OK.

Isn't that strange when you're feeling really vulnerable and dwelling on the terrifying future the past keeps coming back.

I think it's to remind you of the lessons you should have learned by now. Still learning...

Saw this amazing glass woman in the kelvingrove museum in Glasgow and I find it fascinating and compelling - she looks how I feel...

breaking of the shell


Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Kahlil Gibran

anticipatings...

I'm a bad blogger - just been incapacitated by huge overwhelming stuff...

Work has been a bit extreme as I just took on new stuff and I do have to try to be wonder woman.

In the middle of a two week break where I'm trying really hard to get things in perspective. Still wake at 5.00 worrying about al the things I haven't done yet!!!!

Get a grip Norma...

We've had some major movement re the schooling thing with Laurie. So tentatively hopeful but scared that it will all go pear shaped...

The Director of Special Needs came round to our house to discuss options for him. This is the plan...

He will enrol in a local school (recommended to us by someone who said the head teacher was amazing - if anyone can make inclusion work it's her). He wont just turn up this week but will have a phased transition (which does sound very plausable). He will get a personal tutor to help take the educational activity away from family and back to external educators. Then he will spend some time at the school in small bursts.

We haven't got a co-ordinated support plan but may get one at a later stage. Apparently he requires level 4 additional support needs (not a national measure).

We've explained the situation and driven past the school with him. His anxiety levels have, naturally increased, as have ours. We're walking on eggshells again!

He's still having CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) for anxiety but he is responding badly as he has to keep talking about his feelings, which is really difficult for him.

I told the psychiatrist that she was wrong to suggest that forcing him into uncontrolled environments to de-sensitize his sensory overloads would be beneficial!! Tim laughed at my presumptiousness - and tried to be diplomatic by suggesting that de-sensitize was the wrong word. She did agree with that and all ended harmoniously!!

I am such an arsey woman...

meanings

been a while...

we had a holiday last week - a few days out and visits and lots of home time. nice...

school update...
still no response from the education services since I wrote a letter asking them how we go about getting a "co-ordinated support plan" (new laws in Scotland mean that we need one of these to get the appropriate support. we have no idea whether Laurie will be going to a school in August or not - so can't prepare him - great - really helpful for a kid with Aspergers.

We suspect that we may have to continue home educating and that will mean plan c - getting an au pair to live in to cover when we're not here - not as an educator but as a companion and carer.

Failing that it's plan Z - give up work and home - which will take 3 months notice and selling...

Ah well time will tell.

life update...
In the meantime Laurie has been fine and fairly happy. Tonight though he was having a bath (usually a really good time for him) and I heard him crying. I asked what was up and he said he was crying because he didn't know what would happen if we all died. It went on for a while including questions like -

"what is the meaning of life"

"what's the point of living if we're all going to die"

"what would happen if you two die and leave me alone"

"humans will be left on a dark cold planet" - hmmmn

It was a bit tough - did the cycle of life thing, the part of the universe thing, there's no point in worrying thing!

poor lad - he thinks too much.

just like me.

done a new series on flickr - a story in six pictures which I really like and aims to show positives of Aspergers and some misconceptions - here are two of them.

two sides to every story

storytelling

I've been travelling for work and my 3g card that connects me to the interenet has broken.

Came home to loads of work emails and haven't been on flickr or blog.

Travelled down to Bristol with Laurie on the train ( 7 hour journey) to stay with my dad. laurie enjoyed seeing grandad while I traipsed around the country attending meetings...

Journey down was fine but journey back was a nightmaree for a kid with aspergers. We missed a connection due to a late train which arrived 'full and standing'!!!!! Grrrr

Had to stand in a packed corridor full of students shouting and laughing really loud - not their fault - they didn't know. Laurie got overloaded and was so desperate. He didn't have a meltdown but he just stood with his head down. Tears were pouring down his cheeks and I couldn't even comfort him as his sensitivities were so triggered that he couldn't bear to be touched. He describes it as being tingly...

We were three hours late but he was so delighted to be back home and with hector the wonderdog who was equally pleased...

He wont be going on a train any time soon.

In the meantime he's been writing a story on an old typewriter. We decided to make a story blog.

Here it is: http://demongate1.blogspot.com/

It is called demongate
and has a baddie called cyclonops who wants to take over the world...
Here is a drawing that he did to illustrate it...

He already has a couple of comments which is a great incentive for him to keep it up... thanks guys. I typed it in and changed a few spellings but the wording is all his own. He has an interesting way of expressing himself and I was surpised to see he started describing himself as a narrator who makes comments within the story...

refusings

the steiner school didn't offer us a place...

they don't have the staffing resources to cater for Laurie's special needs.

That's fair enough.

so now we take a few steps backwards...

just the thought of having to back to the education authority has raised all those earlier feelings again. we haven't told Laurie yet.

what alot of people in scotland say is 'what's for you wont go by you' so we'll go with that one.

a bit of a rethink planned for the weekend...

this one seems appropriate for today
the universe now beckons...

the universe now beckons
and Man, too, must take His place...
just a few last fleeting seconds
to wander in the waste
and the children who were ourselves move on
reincarnation now stills its perfected song
and at last we are free of the bonds of creation
van der graaf generator

wobblings

been away for work this week so didn't get much chance to blog

we have had a hard week

tim had his degree show - digital animation mphil so he had to get all the animations ready, deal with external examiners, breaking bad news to some students and generally having to work all hours...

he now has some relief and the show was excellent - so he is really proud of them all

I had an abcess on my tooth so was going around looking like a chipmunk and managing the pain

laurie has been a bit unsettled - probably due to us

we're all relieved it's the weekend!

my flickr pal kym is having a hard time so made her a picture

it's about having to cope with big changes
called influences that modify the being

waitings

still waiting for psychiatric team report

still waiting to hear back from steiner school

good job we've developed patience beyond the usual in the last few months

this one is called perverse

Yes, though you may think me perverse, if it were proposed to me to dwell in the neighborhood of the most beautiful garden that ever human art contrived, or else of a Dismal Swamp, I should certainly decide for the swamp.
Henry David Thoreau

so would I

sensings

make school make sense


http://www.nas.org.uk/msms
support the campaign...

I got a pack for schools in the post today - going to send it to the headmistress; ))

still haven't heard from the steiner school yet - but I wasn't at home on thursday/friday they may have rang while I was out.

still haven't had our report re the diagnosis which I'm really looking forward to reading.

having a strange and wierd wobbly day today - unexpected but probably just a bit of backlash from the last few months...

steinerings

we went for our interview with the Glasgow Steiner School yesterday. The most amazing thing about it is that laurie says he feels 10/10 about it. He has not felt 10/10 about anything for as long as I can remember!!!!!

We use numbers to guage feelings because it is the best way for laurie to explain how he feels about something and I know his scaling system so well that I can accurately guage what his reaction to something is. (Is that a split infinative - I know I do them alot).

to boldly go.....

anyway Tim had a good old laugh at the interview because they said that laurie wasn't allowed to watch TV or play computers!!!!!!! he said my expression was priceless...

alert alert - this is boy who is learning german, chess , geography and history online. This is the boy who takes digital photos, manipulates them and makes art!!!

so on the one hand we have 10/10 and on the other we have - change this family forever!!!!


we'll try it anyway....

Tim said that I looked so shocked bacause I wouldn't be able to spend so much time on flickr!!!!

So did I get my new camera lens for my birthday or did I get a book.

Hey I got a book

but so funny - the book is about the psychology of internet addiction. I think he's trying to tell me something!!!!!

this one is called only shine


I only shine
with you
you see
the reflection of yourself
mirrored between the two

solar returnings

it is an hour away from my 45th birthday..

I feel so good about it too.

Laurie's present to me is to dress up in anything I ask and pose for photo's, plus massages (which he is very good at) and probably helping me cook dinner. How cool that he has just hit the wanting to be independent in the kitchen.

You know that thing where you spend years thinking - god I look forward to the day he can bring me a cup of tea in bed - getting close....

other presents to be revealed. I really need a computer as I'm running out of photo storage space.

also need a new lens because the standard lens with the canon 350d (which is a fab camera) is a bit soft and doesn't focus properly...

will probably get books; )))

which is cool.

me and lozzie have been a 'bit under the weather' - terribly british way of saying I feel crap, bit of a temperature and our legs don't work.

photo of the day...
called exterminate


british flickerites seem to like it

Laurie loves the daleks and so do I.

happy birthday norma - drama queen, librarian, woman of no labels, woman who sometimes needs labels, imposter, blogger, logger, flogger and godamm wonder woman (sometimes - after a few glasses of wine), learner and mother

thankings

not sure if all you guys who offer support and ideas look back but i often reply in comments...

so for those who may have missed my thanks/replys

VERY BIG THANKS - sure we are just at the beginning so stay with us

but I keep looking at my beautiful son in wonder and i am totallly convinced that asd is more a gift than anything else

and I am itching to convince the world...

this is called close
its about what happens when we connect...

bloggings

not an inspirational title but the thing I feel like talking about...

how interesting that blogging has been a MOST (big shout) important mechanism for me in the last few months.

I've kind of been into diarying but not as much as others. i love writing but get incapacitated by the GREAT novel ( so original norma/lou).

so why has this blog worked for me in a way that I never anticipated?????

because it's real ---- my need is real-----the listeners/readers/audience is real

how strange that the reader maketh the blog kinda thing...

writing my previous entry - the YES we got the diagnosis entry... was really important to me.

i've mentioned this to a few friends lately and it is clear that they don't get it. Why on earth would writing such intimate details to the whole world be OK.

i don't know the answer/I love the answer/

it's very private...
it's so public...

and so those fantastic ironies/contradictions work well for me - particularly now.

I'm a blogger/flogger of stories/logger of lives

and a gemini with libra rising so contradictions work and the photo of the day will be....

torture garden

The universe appears to me like an immense, inexorable torture-garden.... Passions, greed, hatred, and lies; law, social institutions, justice, love, glory, heroism, and religion: these are its monstrous flowers and its hideous instruments of eternal human suffering.
Octave Mirbeau

someone save me...

celebratings

we have our diagnosis

we are all celebrating the news because for us it is a positive thing

this is called how do you make sense of the world



can't put a bigger version on this page as it messes up the right hand side of the page. The words say
you have no idea
what it means to be gifted with aspergers syndrome

see the National Autistic Society web site to read about the make school make sense campaign. I've written a letter to Alan Johnson, secretary of state for education and skills asking him to support the campaign.

treblings

OK

I know I should be in bed...

but Lozzie did some good work today

here is his most popular - he said it's probably because its colourful...

well it would stand out in my present photostream anyway.

Of course loads of fab folk on flickr have resonded already and he is very pleased..

hey thanks guys...

he did the photo, the manipulation and the mosaic while I made tea!!!

it's called the grid

we don't do very imaginative titles: )

doublings

two entries today

I put a couple of self portraits into flickr

they are scary and honest (as opposed to the previous high contrast, therefore hide your crap skin, photos)

so it will be interesting to see the different reactions

what is really a wierd though is that I called this one just norma

- as if norma was real...



you know what - I'm starting to love norma

I'm staring to love being norma

maybe I should change my blog name to being norma...

recappings

I went away last week and it was so good not to worry and to be able to focus on work. I got back to a fantastic response....

most enthusiastic greeting was from hector the wonderdog, closely followed by the other two boys. seems they were all really pleased to have me back but had missed me too. they got on fine and had a good time.

good relief...

got lots of extra things to do at work - think I need it to help me focus - hope I can handle it but have developed a more organised approach which is helping...

boring work stuff though

let's have a photo...

it's called ruination - I've been feeling kind of dark and listening to old prog rock stuff and my photos seem dark but actually they are really positive and you may have to be in the same space to get that. some fab people on flickr also see the dark stuff in a positive light




but I have also been doing some dark photos of laurie and it seems that people really don't like children presented as other than happy and carefree and innocent

I can appreciate an innocent child shot as much as the rest but I really do strongly believe that we need to engage with the pain too - then we can appreciate the joy

here is one that I love but only my philosophical type contacts seem to like.

it's called all the other fish fear you


and has this quotation from a van der graaf generator song

so you live in the bottom of the sea and you kill all that come near you...
but you are very lonely, because all the othe fish fear you...
and you crave companionship and someone to call your own
because for the whole of your life you've been living alone.
Van der graaf generator
H to HE who am the only one, 1970

its june 2nd tomorrow and at 11.30 we find out if we have a diagnosis

I can't believe that we are half way through the year - I'm 45 next week

it deserves a celebration....

dreamings

back at work and on the road (well the train) so not much time to blog

this is where I'd rather be though....

shoottheradiolouiseings

Just sitting on flickr and watching thelma and louise again with the ballad of lucy jordan playing by marainne faithful

and i think..

yeah I would have shot the bastard too...

so I'll have to find an appropriate photo for today...


it's not pretty but the title is

go ahead punk - make my day
it was done for the headmistress (who most of you will already know)
but I keep it in reserve for any arsehole we may come across...

impressings

the home education officer came today

Laurie and I were a bit fab today. I'd written out our philosophy - child centred, informal, indpendent learning and holistic approach. In my usual anal way I'd written a bloody report!!!

It listed each subject, the resources and the related activities. Resources included tv computer games, internet, books, video etc. Activitites included things like discussions, interactive online activitites and quizzes, quiet study time, phtotography, drawing, painting, craft and digital manipulation, workbooks and practical everyday things like cooking, shopping etc.

If any potential home educator would like a copy I'd be happy to email it on request. She seemed to really like it (saved her writing anything down) and she was really great. Said her best home ed kids didn't even use books but learnt by doing using tv and computers. She was a bit surprised at him teaching himself languages and the fact that he did maths every day cause he loves it!

Laurie was a total star and said he liked it because he could set his own timetable and concentrate on work in the morning. he said it was good because once he'd finished the work for the day he could play. he said it was better than school because he got teased at playtime at school and they called him a girl.

He also said that we made a good team at home (aw bless - I didn't prompt him either!!!). He said that was because of the balance of subjects that we were all good at. He told her I spend too long on flickr (oops) but she had seen his fab mosaics and was well impressed by his artwork. He showed her some of his home ed work and pointed out that he liked symmetry in his art.

I watched him as an outsider might see him. He was like a different child than the one I saw two months ago. He appeared confident and happy. My god if only she knew where we'd been lately...

Anyway - not expecting any problems there.

Still waiting for the official response to my letter to the special needs woman. That will be interesting.

so well done laurie and mum today...

here is one of Lauries home ed photo projects called blue & red - the home ed woman really liked it and it made it to explore really quickly.

washings

so funny to read your comments about the clothes thing. i've added a comment - from the heart...

it can take us up to an hour to get Laurie dressed depending on the softness, length of sleeves, fluffy bits and how much cotton an item has.

Can't believe that I seriously have conversations with my 9 year old about what percentage of cotton is in his clothes; )))

so funny but can be majorly frustrating when you have to go somewhere. i try to be patient...

hey the truant officer arrived today - now that was funny

totally unexpected he arrived on the doorstep. he actually was a nice guy doing a shit job.

i told him that we'd filled in the home ed forms and had the home ed person coming tomorrow for a visit.

i told him that we'd written to the education services about our decision.

there was no hint of 'you're breaking the law' although technically we are. he was fairly cool about it - went through the motions but it was clear he totally got why we were at this point. he said the system was based on 50's ideology which was no longer relevant - we can only agree...

so I wrote a curriculum out to show the home ed person. not expecting any problems - home ed is fine as long as he get's it 150% right first time!!!!

also the Steiner school rang to arange a meeting with us all - it will be on my birthday - so taking that as a good sign. if it comes off he will be in a class of 14! felt bad having to give her the background details of him, because of that bloody exclusion....grrrr, bitch and stuff


anyway we wait in hope but he is so much happier not having to do group work - although he turning into a fairly good cook working with me - will probably be a bit arsey though if he was a chef; )

this is what he looks like when he arsey

its called houdini blues after a favourite Kristen hersh track about labels

"Oh no don't you put me in that box
you know what you can do with those locks
bet your life I'll come crawling out again
you'll have to deal with me then
you'll hear me in the wind."

hdr-ings

I've been trying out high dynamic range (hdr) photos.

this is where you take 3 (or more) of the same shot (prefereably using a tripod) at different stops and then merge them in photoshop. Supposed to be better in photomatix but I haven't got that software.

anyway just trying it out - there's two ways you can go - make it look like a painting which can be very effective or try to make it look realistic which is what I'm doing. It is meant to leave a photo more like what the eye really sees. It is interesting but I like my photo's in the old fashioned way too.

Put one into a scoring group and it's going to die because it seems that people either love it or hate it but purist photograhers will probably hate it.

very interesting though

here are a couple - one in colour and one converted to b&w. I like the b&w one best.

stark


imaginatively titled hdr experiment


update on our lives ------

well the education service are coming round to look at our curriculum for home ed on tuesday. we're are all still exhausted but having a time of brief relief with only the odd outburst from Laurie when he can't wear his perfect favourite jumper because all the others itch too much. he refuses to wear short sleeved t-shirts now and I've just had to get rid of drawers full of things he can't wear due to his exagerated sensitivities.

he has a wobbler every time he doesn't understand anything such as a new word or a concept as he feels it is a major humiliation if he doesn't already know something.

we tread delicately at the moment, but the home ed is going well

we asked what he wants to learn about and he said: astonomy, macedonian history and the seleucid empire, german, italian and spanish!!! no challenge there then; )

shortenings

just to prove that I'm not always ranting in long winded outbursts.

let's just say thank god it's friday

and here is a photo of big ben which surprisingly is attracting lots of attention and nice comments on flickr.

we went to london for the day about two years ago. it was tim's brithday and I tried really really hard to be spontaneous. I booked a trip on the london eye and champagne lunch. unfortunately that didn't leave us much time to go to the aztec exhibition that he really wanted to see but he bore it well...

i'm not good at spontaneous...

supportings

some of you who read this blog are so amazing I'm stunned.

I never even expected people to read it but to actually respond and offer huge support and really really sound advice is way more than I expected.

yes we had a bad day on monday but generally we are feeling so much more empowered. we had also felt that we need external (legal) help as we are too close. we lost the appeal - as expected and have a strange lack of emotional reaction (still too bloody knackered I think).

tim's reached a point where he needs to be off work. ironically I went back to work on tuesday (maybe a bit mad). my colleagues have been fab and really supportive. today was a bit tiring as we had an event for my elearning projects and everyone was great and said they were glad to see me back - they're probably wondering what the hell is going on.

they probably also wondered what the hell has happened to me. several more grey hairs and a general haggard look. actually coloured my hair before going to the meeting in an effort to tart myself up a bit. very half hearted effort.

what has surprised me is how tired I am. tim said it's cause I'm up till 3 on flickr every night; ))

joker - your comment about good things coming out of these things is so right - we were talking about this the other day and even this close to it all there are so many...

small list just in case anyone else is in the situation but hasn't found these yet...

family wise:

• so much closer
• so much stronger
• so much more harmony

personally:

• channeled my energy into being creative
• have a blog which is so theraputic
• have learned loads about my priorities (all my friends can groan and think 'about bloody time')
• have learned so much about autism and the horrific response this gets in our society
• have learned about the law, the education system
• have stopped tugging my forelock ( a bit; )

and very importantly

• have made some new friends

just as I would never change my son I would also not change what has happened. i'm not a creature of regret...

and I love learning.

i am definately going to find a lawyer. J the L if you have any suggestions great but if not I should be able to find someone. I am going to investigate the scottish legislation re educational provision with or without a diagnosis (thanks photopath) and if we don't get a diagnosis we are going to pay for a second opinion.

so funny - tim now asks every day if anyone has responded to the blog - we do really value other input - it helps to keep us sane when we have a wobbly day.

haven't got a wobbly day photo I dont' think... pause whilst she goes to flickr to check....

will work on one - but appropriate to put up some of lauries work

he took a photo of tim and hector dancing (with an amazing capture of hector's tongue- original is here http://www.flickr.com/photos/dramaqueennorma/143103583/) and I took one of laurie and hector lying next to each other. i went to make tea and when I came back he had coloured them and made a mosaic in picassa. it's a bit psychadelic but has had a great response.

not bloody bad for a nine year old I think...

hearings

an apt title indeed...

cried alot today

we had our appeal hearing against the exclusion today. I had written a very articulate report but we did not present well verbally due to feeling so emotional. in retrospect I should have paid for a lawyer...

They began by attacking our son so visciously that I was left practically unable to speak. He was presented as an attention seeking boy with serious emotional troubles who deliberately behaved badly and endagered the whole school so that he could be sent home!!! At one point the lawyer did a sneaky little (false laugh) when the headteacher was talking about the noise sentitvity issue saying that sometimes it was a problem and sometimes not. I am so knotted up about this laugh - how dare he laugh at the pain my son feels. I can't help reacting even though I know to him it's a game and he wants to win. but its not a game to us.

They said that the asd issue was irrelevant as we did not have a diagnosis which pretty much chucked our case out of the window!

The panel was made up of one councillor who describes asd as a disease and said he was only interested in the facts on the day of the exclusion (such an enlightened soul). One of the panel was totally inscrutable but made eye contact with both tim and I several times during the tirade. The chair was amazing and had significant experience (it felt close) of asd and aspergers in particular.

He raised several interesting querstions about the support (or lack of it offered to Laurie). The education service lawyer said that was irrelevant to this appeal!

We suspect that we will not win the appeal. The wanky councillor said that it didn't matter if we win the appeal or not because if we get a diagnosis it will wipe the slate clean....

tim and I have spent all day thinking of all the damn things we should have said.

tim is all for getting a lawyer and really going for it - typical for him really but he is also very upset and angry.

in many ways it really doesn't matter if they overturn the exclusion but at the very least we have made the headteacher have to account for her actions. The chair asked her if they had set up any special arrangements for laurie, in particular a quiet corner. She said their classrooms were all full of stimulating things - for god's sake and they wonder why we are not going back.

The chair and the lawyer implied that we were at the wrong type of appeal and perhaps should be considering a different approach if we get a diagnosis.

I am now so scared we won't get one... but I am being paranoid. If we don't then the education authority don't have to do anything to help us.

Later I took Laurie to the after school club for his assessment. He was fine about going and knew that he was going to be observed. i told him to be himself. the minute we got there he refused to go in because a certain boy was there who regularly calls him names and picks on him.

30 minutes later the staff made the boy go into a separate area and he agreed to go in. He went and sat next to a table and got his gameboy out - fairly typical. I left and returned later. I was told that he had joined in to some extent and that the psychologist had had the chance to see him interact.

Apparently she said something along the lines of - he was very different than when he was in her office. what the **** does that mean. we wont know till 2nd June.

I am going completely mad.

For someone who has a serious issue about labels (as my friend Sarah) knows very well - here am I needing one.

And yet the label is so not the important thing. I am perfectly happy with my son as he is. In fact I am very proud of his courage and resiliance. I am amazed by his wonderful brain. tim is developing a theory about so called disorders such as dyslexia (which he himself has) and autism as being related to something we needed to to in the past (in an evolutionary sense). An interesting theory as I do feel that there is some genetic thing going on with Laurie. those superior senses would have made us very good hunters. i remember when I was pregnant and noticing my sense of smell increasing dramatically. I'm convinced that this is due to the natural need to protect my young. In fact come to think of it there was a kind of strange and dangerous smell going on today; )

I've made a set on flickr called 'autistic spectrum - a world of black and white' which aims to educate and enlighten people about it. The title refers to both the b&w high contrast photos and also the extreme literal interpretation that Laurie takes. Each photo has a little sentence about some aspect of being on the spectrum. Several people have called it educational so i am very pleased about that - I do believe educating the world is crucial in this battle.

I put some of the photos into scoring groups to make people engage with them. To be honest they often don't pay any attention to the words and totally misread the photo. most assume because of the long hair and pretty face that it's a girl... however alot see the powerful messages.

an important outcome is that these ones sometimes get enough attention to end up in explore. This is the top 500 photos (based on varying and changing criteria auch as number of views, comments and favourites) for each day. this can give a photo more exposure and so also I hope, the message.

I'm turning into an evangelist...

here is another photo from the set. a favourite of mine because it has serious attitude and that is what I need.

It's called searching for diamonds in the sulpher mine after an old favourite track by Van der Graff Generator (showing my age). It has been blogged here http://flickrfavesfromtheex.blogspot.com/

it looks better very large but the format is unusual.

updatings

it's been a while...

decisions have been made...

we will home educate Laurie till the end of June (Scottish end of term). I've just written the letter to the education service stating all the reasons that we feel the mainstream system just doesn't offer an appropriate route at the moment. enjoyed writing that one as I also got to say exactly why we wont send him back to that school...

we went through a range of options to get through the next few months (nanny - too expenisve) (au-pair - very close second choice) (fabulous next door neighbour who knows us and our son and is studying for exams).

the latter is our choice. she will cover whilst I'm away from home.

Tim is a qualified teacher so we will work up a curriculum. He is so bright that
a) he probably doesn't need a curriculum
b) he teaches himself from the internet, cd roms and the history tv programs
c) we got some practical workbooks for his age range and it takes 2 minutes for him to complete a section!!!

when we've finished those we'll aim higher.

Also planning to enrol him in a local KUMON education centre - recommended to me by a mathematician. Uses a japanese method of teaching and doesn't appear to require group work and encourages independent learning.

Yaaaaay bloody yaaaaay

tomorrow we go to the appeal meeting re the exclusion - should be very interesting. my written submission would stand on it's own but we are going in person too. will have to tart myself up a bit - looking a bit grey and haggard - I wonder why????

I am thinking of going back to work on Tuesday. Not sure I'm ready but feel that I should get on with it (especially as I know things will be OK when I'm travelling). Working may way up to that one.

We went for outr final diagnosis re the spectrum but have to wait until they've seen him with peers!!! This will happen tomorrow as I managed to get Laurie back to the after school club ( the one with the woman who understands autism but can't mention it due to pressure from the witch) the Psychiatric team informed us that they were seriously considering a diagnosis of Aspergers syndrome but just needed to confirm his interactions with his peers. Tim and I can't really see that this will make a difference. we think it will just confirm what we have been saying about his interactions.

we then have to wait to get the grand result till first week in June.

Hey Ho as JD Salinger says...

probably no one listening anymore but I've been finding it hard to focus.

have done a whole series of high contrast black and white shots on flickr which make a set called autistic spectrum. each photo illustrates and has a description of one of the things that affects our lives.

Here is one of them which has been really popular. It illustrates the food issues ( restricted diet, being seen eating) and also issues of taste - re conforming to fashion - something my boy just does not do - kudos Laurie

it's called tasteful



and the caption says 'Sometimes it's more important to be human, than to have good taste. ~Brecht

happenings

at last

I feel able to blog...

disabled (I chose that word carefully) by my guilt and terrible state of mind I was unable to post for the last two days.

How very interesting - blogging as a reflection of the darkness of your soul... maybe I'll muse more on that in a future blog but it does very well reflect the 'forelock tugging' Lou that Tim sometimes gently laughs at.

So there we were...

faced with the big decision - to return to the existing school or try out a new one. our weekend was wrought with angst.. I set a deadline (as I am wont to do)...

we struggled, prevaricated, cogitated and eventually...

wimped out...

can you believe it (I can hear a few gasps)...

but wait...

so we decided that the new school in exactly the same format as the old one wouldn't work.
we cant go to the Steiner school that we do like until august.
we have to get by till august.

so we decided to go with the flow and try to send him back (bear with me guys cause there is a temporarily happy ending here).

So we broke the news to laurie and he dealt with it well - understanding that we had to make it through this term and then all would be better!!!!

Laurie and I walked down to the school on Monday and went inside the building ( the psychiatrist somehow felt this was really significant). I knew it wasn't because it wasn't that hard for him to do. It's not the building that causes him pain - it's the CHILDREN.

Tuesday (today) we dutifully followed instructions and turned up to have a chat with his teacher. He was cool about that and took some photos of his flickr art and of hector to show his teacher.

Oh no ----- ambush

unprepared and without ammunition we were caught in a room for an hour with the bloody headmistress and his teacher...

for an hour we were treated to a monologue about behaviour, rules and her authority.

Laurie understood about 40% of what she said which I did find an amazing percentage because whilst it was happening I estimated 20%. God she was so tedious... The teacher didn't get a word in edgeways.

Apparently the kids all call him a girl because of his hair (well blow me down!). Of course they don't mean to be horrid. They didn't realise - ah bless!!!!

What about the 'Laurie the loser' nickname - oh well some of the children said that when Laurie didn't 'get his own way' in group work and got upset he would call himself a loser ---

as I said in my reply to their exclusion report 'it is hardly surprising that he refers to himself in this way given that he has been persistantly called this for over a year by his peers' (mummy rant mode coming on)

so I sat and let her harangue him. She made him cry (she made me cry). she made us both very very angry...

we left saying we'd come into school tomorrow at 9.00.



OK so you can kick us when we are down but don't think we will lie down forever. I feel bad that I let her do that to us today. Where is the lioness that sarah mentions?


They paid no heed to his needs. They did not acknowledge his sensory overload issues.
I mentioned that the children banged on the tables when the teacher had an important announcement. I said that laurie did not understand this and that it hurt his ears.

I told them that I had suggested to laurie that it may be intended to be like a drumroll. His teacher said that it was and he was prepared to change this. The headmistress said that it was a standard method for getting the attention of children and to focus them to hear important announcements.

I let him and all kids with sensory overload down - I didn't say ' this would have the opposite effect on children who had sound sensitivity issues'. She told the teacher she would talk to him later and it was clear she was not prepared to change this practice for one kid - particularly one who blatently defies her and doesn't recognise her authority.

by the way woman - I did mention the words autistic spectrum disorder. He is being assessed for asd you know...

Well the lioness is prowling now and so is Tim the lion.

We are not sending him back...

they, and the educational psychologist and the child psychiatric team can all take a flying leap.

we know it is not OK to send him back.

The school now know that we are appealing against the exclusion ( and she has all her guns out) - met someone who works in the school who agreed re asd but couldn't talk about it with me. How neat it would be for them if they 'bent over backwards to accomodate' laurie and then had the opportunity to exclude him again before the hearing.

so bend over mrs headmistress... if I was any good at cartoons I would do one...

we are standing together on this one. We don't quite know how we will do this yet but we know we will.

Here is picture of a lioness to prove it...

and I finally did the unthinkable and am signed off on sick leave for stress for two weeks.

relief...

snivellings

thanks for all your comments guys.

we've been talking about what to do. still don't know.

rang the psychiatrist this morning and asked her if she really thought it would be in Laurie's interest (re his mental health) to go back to the school rather than try a new one. she's with the others on this - they all think it would be better for him to go back. told her about the charming kids calling him names last night. She tripped out the usual - he needs to learn to deal with it - give him techniques. I sometimes wonder if they understand that you have a brain - der - we've been trying to give him techniques to handle bullies since he started school!!!

maybe I could do with some; )

my main concern is that one of the people assessing him for aspergers could advise me to take him to noisy places. What part of 'it hurts my ears doesn't she get'. I interpreted this as her either not understanding enough about the senory overload stuff, or implying that he's making it up! tim was kinder and suggested that maybe they meant to de-sensitise him. I am aware that there are some therapies that may help but in a controlled and specially built environment. I hardly think a train station or supermarket counts as that. this is making me very worried about the help we are going to get.

rang the psychologist for alternative schools - on annual leave now and he is the only person who can advise. I've asked before anyway and he always says we're at the best school. god help us.

have to ring the headmistress to arrange a time to visit the building today. tim had to go into work so we can't talk it through - but this weekend we are going to have to make a definite decision - this drifting is killing me.

a few people have suggested getting signed off with stress. having a problem with this one (ms. I can cope with anything syndrome). do have to ring work though as I'm expected back next week - just need to get to the point where I can actually talk and not just cry down the phone.

sarah just rang and made me feel better :) you all make me feel better :)

my new camera arrived at last so here are my fab sequined shoes to help raise a few smiles. they look like magic slippers - two heel clicks and....

screamings

not a good week...

Laurie didn't make it into school on Tuesday - no surprise there really. We handled it faily calmly and then all trotted dutifully along to the psychiatric team for our afternoon appointment. Laurie did his bit with his woman and tim and I carried on with the developmental stuff with ours. She told us there would be a meeting on Thursday (today) to speak with herself, the headmistress and school educational psychologist to arrange a 'plan' for Lauries return to the school.

For the last two days we all got up and got the school uniform on and walked to school - to try to get into the swing of things. We didn't go in the school. Today Tim couldn't come so Laurie and I set off in the car and as we approached the meeting place he got more and more stressed. By the time I'd parked up he was refusing to go and wouldn't get out of the car!!!!

After pleading, begging, shouting, and attempting bribery he still wouldn't be budged. I even got the psychiatrist into the car to try. He said some awful things about me -- I know I'm big enough to take it but when your son says he wants you to go to prison (following a comment that I'd get into trouble if he didn't go back to school) and that he hates you in front of a bloody family psychiatrist it takes some beating. At one point I almost laughed hysterically - although I was fighting back tears for most of it.

One hour later and she had gone back to the meeting and we were still sitting in the car. I eventually persuaded him to come with me so that I could try to find out what plan they had made in out absence. He sat in the waiting room while I spoke to her. I get told a few times how wonderful the headteacher is. I get told that the head teacher doesn't think he has aspergers syndrome. I get told that the plan is to start tomorrow with a visit into the building. Tomorrow is my last day of compassionate leave. Just what am I supposed to do now? She told me not to make it too nice to be at home and to make him go to noisy places so that he get's used to it. She told me not to involve him in making any choices. We wont get a diagnosis until they've seen Laurie with his peers in school - so how long is that going to take if we can't even get into the school?

When we got home two boys from Lauries class were playing outside our house. They shouted 'Laurie's a girl' three times while I was there! And we have to send him back there. We still have an option to try another school but it's a major risk at this stage.

I'm ready to throw in the towel . By that I mean give up my job, move to a smaller place and home educate myself. Lose my pension, my career and my will to fight. Maybe that's what I need to do for a while - maybe I'll feel better tomorrow

We don't know what to do...

I'd like to be on a desert island...

anticpatings

I've been avoiding most things this week but most of all I've been avoiding tomorrow and now it's nearly here...

Tomorrow we have to go back to school - the same school that excluded my son recently. The same school that he feels sick about going to.

And why?

because everyone agrees he has to go to school -

'the longer you leave it the worse it will get'

well I don't even think I should be sending him back. we've had a few big wobblers in the last three days as he starts to anticipate the awfulness of it all. we keep trying to encourage, cajole and outright lie!!!

why am I going to try it - I don't even know. Pressure - the threat of prosecution? A tiny spark within me that thinks it may just be OK.

The plan is that Laurie and I will go in a bit later than 9.00 and talk to his two teachers. the educational psychologist will talk to the witch headmistress after lunch about a plan for a gentle re-integreation ( a bit late as we already have to turn up at nine!!!) It could all be over by 10.00 - second exclusion, Lou loses her job, they have to sell their house and boy murders new dog in frustration.

We are due to visit the psychiatric team tomorrow too for next stage of assessment.

Can't believe Laurie went to sleep so calmly tonight. He is recalling bad dreams about school again and is very negative about going back...

It'll all come out in the wash as they say...

To top it all - bloody new camera didn't arrive yet due to easter hols... haven't finished writing book stuff, have a work email with over 100 unread emails and am knackered.

on the bright side - we had a family day out at loch lomond which cheered us all up. everyone else in the house is fast asleep. laurie found some tiny mushrooms so I did a macro with my 'old' camera. I quite like it.

umbrellas in a rainy forest


also Laurie had his first go at photoshop on a previous photo of hector - came out really well...
he called it colourful reflection

travellings

We have been travelling this week. Yesterday me, Laurie and hector left Glasgow at 11.00am and went by train to Chippenham in Wiltshire. We were on the train, accompanied by loads of luggage for 6 and a half hours!!! No toilet stops for the dog and he was, as ever a star…There wasn’t much room under the seats so to stop him sitting in the isle he ended up lying across mine and Lauries laps. Didn’t get any work done as planned so just slept a lot. Laurie and the dog were brilliant.

Two photos to show them both being very happy...
deep joy

Joy wants the eternity of all things, wants deep, wants deep eternity.
Friedrich Nietzsche

and

fidelity

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley

In Chippenham visiting my dad and having a chance to go into the office in Bristol. The boys all had a fab day. It was strange being back at work as I feel so distanced from it all so it was a bit strange. Shows willing though and everyone was really supportive.

Introduced a few more colleagues to flickr as well.

Not much time to be on flickr or the blog due to limited and expensive access to the internet. Getting withdrawal symptoms already.

Excellent news though – I’ve splashed out and treated myself at last to an slr digital camera. Bought it on ebay on Sunday so hope it will be there when I get back. More of my life lost to flickr...

relievings

A wave of relief went through the house yesterday.

here is the entrance to our house - called main door


taken by Laurie

We had our second visit with the child and family heath team. Tim and I had our own psychiatrist and Laurie had his own; )

Laurie stayed with her for the whole hour - wont tell me anything about it so left wondering... he said he just drew while he talked - said he knew it was rude but he hates looking at people when he talks to them. How many people in the neurotypical world would be able to understand that. I know there are thousands of others that do...

We did the developmental stuff so they ask you about how imaginitive he is, when he walked and talked and stuff. I went all pathetic in front of the professional (it makes Tim laugh to see me and says it's because I'm a forelock tugging kind of girl; )

At one point I was really aware that my legs were shaking and it wasn't nerves - it was adrenaline. I was just so 'wired' that someone was finally really doing something for us. i wanted to make the best of it. Anyway still haven't told them the half of it, but I did ask if they felt it was appropriate to do an assessment for ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder). YES YES YES - I'm not just a mother making up excuses for my 'badly behaved manipulating controling monster son'.

It is really strange to feel so happy that they have started the assessment and clearly think there is a pressing need. You might wonder why we need this...

We have to has his needs recognised. We do not have any negative feelings about an ASD/Aspergers diagnosis. We know that people on the autistic spectrum are wired differently - and have a very different take on the world - a very rich take sometimes that most people don't take the time to consider. We know that his sensory perceptions can be a major problem but they are also a great blessing. Laurie hears music differently and has been able to recognise pieces of music since he was really small and even identify which films they may have featured in... He can mimic voices and accents perfectly. His memory is so acute that he can recount dialogue after only seeing a movie once. We have never had to practice a spelling list for homework. He does the 99 times table for fun. His sense of humour is strange but wonderful.

Shame no one else seems to appreciate this...

Another fantastic thing that has happened is that the fabulous people in the flickr autistic spectrum group are offering incredible support (as are people who are reading this blog).

Huge thanks to all of you guys - so needed and appreciated.

haven't got a bunch of flowers photo but do have a beautiful lily from china for all of you...



I have met a really great family through flickr who have been through as much and so much more than us. they have a blog too linked to at the side bar but the dog is the one that blogs regularly - joker the lurcher. Laurie has been looking at their photos and I've explained that there are loads of other kids who have very well developed senses. He is most intrigued and would like to meet some.

next job - contact the glasgow autism support group....

such a long post today but guess what - another amazing thing happened. I sent an email last week in my depths of despair after the exclusion to our Member of Scottish Parliament (MSP) Gordon Jackson. I was expecting a standard letter in response but he actually rang me yesterday to offer support when needed. well done that man - you can share the lily.

So some faith in human nature restored...
Some validation of us as parents with concerns...
Some new friendships developing...

We are counting ourselves lucky today.

we are very well aware that we are only at the start of a major quest/journey. ..