bettings

well if you'd asked me to put £20 down on the chance that today would go well - I wouldn't have gone for it on any odds (not that I understand the difference between 5-1 or 20-1)

1) I felt guilty at not being there (and had a wobbly start to the day)
2) I knew Laurie would be feeling very nervous
3) I've lost the ability to be totally optimistic

OK - so how did it go.

I think I've said before that we use numbers to measure how Laurie feels about things (he's comfortable with numbers). And today was..... (triumphant fanfare - but quiet for those with sensory sensitivities)...

nine and three quaters out of 10!!!!!

woah. big result. not many things get such a high result. Considering his days at the last school were in the minus figures and we haven't gone over five since we went to the Steiner school (which we failed to get in - see earlier post).

It's early days and we have learned to be philosophical...

there will be a honeymoon period BUT

he had a great day despite a teary start.

My son rocks big time - he is so brave and so open to new possibilities (despite the aspergers)

He talked for half an hour on the phone about his day and he described the group work session as 'good fun'.

so here I am daring to hope.

would I bet on the future - NO

but I may be a bit more hopeful. I've forgotten how to celebrate a good day. Maybe I'll get a bit more practice. Maybe not....

here I am waving to the future...

wild imaginings

wow - the visit to the new school went really well.

Laurie was really positive and the environment felt very gentle (despite being in one of the most deprived areas of Glasgow). The staff were fantastic and we had a really useful conversation about a plan for integrating him into the school.

The school only has 100 pupils (instead of the planned 400) so there is lots of space and quiet areas. Laurie went off with his teacher and met his new class. There is a boy with tourettes syndrome who looked after him. They had a great time. There are only 16 others in his class. maybe this could work...

So here is the plan...

instead of a slow transition we are going for a full time start (due to his positive response) from... tomorrow!!!!!!

and where am I - stuck in a hotel bar in bristol, while Tim completes the preparations for the morning. We went out and bought new clothes and shoes, etc. he is ready in a practical sense.

He is a bit nervous but really excited and positive. I wont be home till Thursday night - so have a few days at work while I wonder what's going on.

fingers, toes, and all relevant body bits crossed now! we are more hopeful but know that there will be some major blips. If it can work in mainstream school then this is a good try...

watch this space - we'll see if we can 'make school make sense' (National Autistic Society Campaign). I gave them piles of information about children with aspergers and learning and tried to explain his sensory issues. now it's over to them for a bit.

keep finding myself crying - a mixture of relief and apprehension and true admiration for such a brave kid.
how I feel today. best seen large - from a gravestone at the fabulous Glasgow Necropolis
melt...

For what is it to die, but to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?
Kahlil Gibran

new beginings

tomorrow we go to a new school....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and he is very positive about it.

if there is a goddess then now is the time to do your stuff lady...

we are...
apprehensive

hopeful

scared shitless

fingers crossed folks.

I wish we could take the new magic dragon staff...

layerings

back to reality

back to work

how can an email inbox be so demanding?

juggling the layers of life again so here is my representative photo

deeper than you imagine

That which I complained about in myself is some layers deeper than you imagine.
Anna Freud

musings

I keep having clashes with my past - how strange but OK.

Isn't that strange when you're feeling really vulnerable and dwelling on the terrifying future the past keeps coming back.

I think it's to remind you of the lessons you should have learned by now. Still learning...

Saw this amazing glass woman in the kelvingrove museum in Glasgow and I find it fascinating and compelling - she looks how I feel...

breaking of the shell


Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Kahlil Gibran

anticipatings...

I'm a bad blogger - just been incapacitated by huge overwhelming stuff...

Work has been a bit extreme as I just took on new stuff and I do have to try to be wonder woman.

In the middle of a two week break where I'm trying really hard to get things in perspective. Still wake at 5.00 worrying about al the things I haven't done yet!!!!

Get a grip Norma...

We've had some major movement re the schooling thing with Laurie. So tentatively hopeful but scared that it will all go pear shaped...

The Director of Special Needs came round to our house to discuss options for him. This is the plan...

He will enrol in a local school (recommended to us by someone who said the head teacher was amazing - if anyone can make inclusion work it's her). He wont just turn up this week but will have a phased transition (which does sound very plausable). He will get a personal tutor to help take the educational activity away from family and back to external educators. Then he will spend some time at the school in small bursts.

We haven't got a co-ordinated support plan but may get one at a later stage. Apparently he requires level 4 additional support needs (not a national measure).

We've explained the situation and driven past the school with him. His anxiety levels have, naturally increased, as have ours. We're walking on eggshells again!

He's still having CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) for anxiety but he is responding badly as he has to keep talking about his feelings, which is really difficult for him.

I told the psychiatrist that she was wrong to suggest that forcing him into uncontrolled environments to de-sensitize his sensory overloads would be beneficial!! Tim laughed at my presumptiousness - and tried to be diplomatic by suggesting that de-sensitize was the wrong word. She did agree with that and all ended harmoniously!!

I am such an arsey woman...