immitation of life

Most people are horrified when I tell them that my son does most of his socialising with his peers over the internet. They are worried because he doesn't go to school and 'get' socialised there (we do home learning - see early blog post to find out why)

I think there are a few assumptions underlying these worries. One assumption is that what happens in a school setting counts as positive socialisation and that schools provide a safe place for children to learn how to be 'effective' social citizens. Personally I don't consider forcing children to engage predominantly with 35 or so other people of the same age as a useful model for later life. As an adult I don't have to socialise or work with people only of my own age. Even for 'neurotypical' children I see this as a contrived, and not particularly useful, social grouping. Perhaps people just don't question the model - after all - it didn't do them any harm!!

For children on the autistic spectrum - being forced into a school environment is at best a daily challenge:

• to understand the teacher enough to learn
• to cope with the unwritten rules that children live by
• to cope with a sensoryoverload nightmare
  

and at worst a place to feel ostracised and be bullied.

Well yes you could say that that was preparation for life in our society (another assumption) because that kind of behaviour does happen to adults too, but having to undergo that on a daily basis doesn't teach the child with autism much at all - coping strategies for dealing with bullies? It certainly gets in the way of academic learning.

I find it quite incredible that people think this is likely to be a positive experience.

Even outside the school setting, being in groups of children is just not something that offers any attraction for my son. More than one person at a time is just too hard to deal with at the moment. Forcing him to do so will not change his sensory or communication issues and difficulties.

So during this phase in his life (early teens) he gets his social interaction with peers through the internet and actually has a wide network of pals of all ages. This interaction is not a poor second to 'face to face' contact. It is a rich source of learning, playing and testing out his communication skills using a medium that he is very comfortable with. He, and his pals try out a range of genders and ways of 'virtual being' that are hugely educational - for example seeing how people respond differently to him when presenting as a woman or as someone very small or large. he can choose to reveal his autism or not. He can find friends because they have something in common not because they are the same age group.

I have no doubt as to the value of this experience for him - these relationships are real. These are real people on their computers all over the world. They share experiences, content, music and information - they support and help each other. However I find the most common response to this kind of interaction is that is less real than face to face interaction, that it doesn't count as real socialising.

Some people get even more worried when I reveal that my son's current internet place of choice is World of Warcraft (WoW) - an online roleplaying game. Despite a range of very strong arguments for the value of gaming in education - this Wired' article talks about 'learning to be' rather than 'learning about', some of my family and friends don't get it. 'Learning to be' is the most crucial thing a young aspie needs to crack. Recently he met an older person with a communication disorder who has shared his experiences and how he managed to cope and establish his own business. He has handed over some coping strategies to my son. This is a hugely authentic learning experience for my son - in fact that's what I call 'learning to be'.

moving on...

I can't believe I haven't written since feb!

Alot has gone on since then. We moved from Glasgow to Dumfries and Galloway. Found a run down old house with a fab ironmongers shop incorporated. We are keeping the shop going and it is called 'Life's Little Ironies - The Whithorn Ironmonger'. I have set up a blog for it but been so busy not many posts yet. Click on our logo to go and see it.



The house needs loads of work so we are living in turmoil at the moment - not the best thing for a kid with Aspergers. His room is being done as a priority and he is coping well. We are still doing the home learning - and about to investigate some local support agencies to see if we can connect to some activities. He was happy to leave Glasgow though and he can see the sea from his bedroom window. His favourite spot is the Isle of Whithorn - what a magical place and 5 mins away.




The other great thing about our move is that we now have a garden. We rushed to get our veggies planted (have a greenhouse too) and are now enjoying the fruits of our labour.



Hope to get a polytunnel soon too. We also hatched some chickens and the first three chicks hatched are now living in the garden. More chicken coops are being made for the next phase - afraid we have got the bug. This blog will probably end up as a chicken blog!


This is a very tiny amrock chicken (born the day before my birthday) called Jimi little wing as it was born when jimi hendrix was playing

Here is is at 9 weeks old! still not sure if it's a girl or a boy but suspect it's a boy..




I'm still working as a consultant and have just finished some big jobs - will post soon about them. Now have even more challenging juggling to do but hope to keep the blog going with more frequent posts.

dear family...

I've been meaning to write this one for so long that I almost can't write it anymore. I lie awake at night going over and over what I want to say. I think my recent reading of the new book 'Children and teenagers with aspergers:the journey of parenting from birth to teens' has really made me re-focus on my need to do this.

It presents real experiences of a range of families, all who recount the immense struggle of being a parent to a child or young person with a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome. Why is it important to read this book?

Well I think it is very easy to fall into the trap of only presenting the best of our children to the world. I am guilty of this because I want people to see his gifts and his strengths, his beauty and his unusual window on the world. I want people to love him enough to help protect him from the harsh cruelties that exist in our society for anyone who presents in a non-neurotypical way. If you don't know what I mean then go back a couple of years in this blog - you'll soon get the picture.

In fact the stories in this book also present a catalogue of failures from the various professional systems that are meant to support our children's wellbeing, health and education. But these stories also recount some of the huge difficulties that present a parent of someone on the autistic spectrum. Of course no one person with a diagnosis of AS will present in the same way as another. What is really evident from the stories are the number of times people deny that there could be anything 'wrong' with these young people other than bad parenting, lack of discipline and the old favourite 'not enough boundaries'. Anyone who has had to engage at any level with any of the support services that are supposed to help us will have had these accusations many times.

Many of us don't have to look further than our own families and friends to experience these accusations. At least three people in our very immediate families do not believe that our son has AS. They find it difficult to see how such a very bright child could not be anything other than manipulative and oppositional.

What is really distressing about this is the absolute denial of our whole life (because having AS in the family does affect your whole life). So these people have no concept of what our daily lives are really like. They only see us when we have made significant planning efforts and taken damage limitation actions to reduce situations that will trigger autistic meltdowns. If they do witness one due to uncontrollable circumstances such as sensory overload, verbal ambiguity or a myriad of other triggers they label it as a tantrum.

I remember my son cowering in the corner of a corridoor surrounded by family members talking really loudly. He was very distressed and covering his head due to sensory overload but couldn't get away because none of the would move. When I tried to explain and asked them to move a close family member said ' oh he's just having another tantrum'. This enraged me. Why can't you bring yourself to believe me/us. I have reached the point now where I feel like saying 'OK - well you take your small and narrow minds elsewhere - we haven't got the energy to deal with you'

I'll go away and focus on the things that really need my energy, such as when my son can't sleep because he thinks about death all the time, or when he is self harming because he hates himself and what he does so much, or when he can't control the meltdowns and becomes abusive or violent. You don't see all this and you don't help...

And that hurts quite alot.

To go back to the reason for this post - it is not easy to say those things about my wonderful son. I do sometimes feel incredibly lonely, tired and helpless. But if I spend my life hiding them then I am denying our lives in a similar way that you do. Well excuse me - but this is our life...

Get used to it or clear off...



A recent BBC documentary also highlights these issues and include a couple of families with children with autism who display violent responses - available to watch for a limited time only 'When a mother's love is not enough'. It looks at how easy it is to lose control and harm the child you love, through exhaustion, sheer loneliness and frustration. It also highlights the ridiculous and failing support system that the state offers to parents of disabled children.

home learnings

we are now really immersed in the home learning and are trying a new routine where each day we do one hour of intense one to one work followed by one hour of self-directed learning. The rest of the time tends to be flexible and of course home learning happens all the time wherever we happen to be.

On this blog I hope to engage with some of the common questions that arise whenever we tell people that we do home learning. These will not be knew to anyone who does this. Every taxi driver in Glasgow has an opinion, as does every family member, shop assistant, and health care professional.

It's almost as if choosing to opt out is a slur on their choice not to. We got harangued by a taxi driver yesterday for being different and opting out - can't say I always deal well with this yet so we just adopted a perky 'we're happy with our decision' response. Was tempted to garotte him from behind as he spouted, ranted and shouted (which was really not OK for Laurie) but decided it was best to make sure we actually arrived at out destination...

what really annoys me though i that I'm so well conditioned that I still gave him a good tip - doh!!! get a grip girl - maybe next time.

One of the key questions that people ask is 'what do you do about socialisation'. Of course this question stems from the basic misconception that sitting in a classroom with 30 other people of the same age, surviving the chaos of the dining room, the harsh playground and the enforced collaborative learning activities all result in positive social experiences. Well I do admit it can teach you deal with negative social experiences and may sometimes be positive.

Laurie may have an ASD but like many kids with Aspergers he craves connection with other children. Our solution is to connect to other families that home educate. I am a member of several forums that share information
Schoolhouse
HE Special
Education Otherwise

The Scottish group - Schoolhouse has a very active mailing list and the level of sharing and information exchange and support is amazing (as is the HE special group - vital for anyone with a child with different wiring). From the Scottish those who live in Glasgow have started regular group meetings and activities. We have a two hour sport session at Kelvin Sports Hall on Mondays and a two hour activity session in Hyndland on Thursdays. We have also been on several museum visits and workhops and we're off to a castle next wednesday.

Laurie is loving it (although we often pay for it later as it does overtimulate him dramatically). Sometimes we have to cancel all activities the day after as he recovers, but the best thing is that he has a new best friend. They talk endlessly about star wars and play football together.

So there we are - question number one dealt with - are you happy now people? Or are you still really a bit bothered at our radical decision...

how dare we dare to be different...

perfectings

Well if I'm not an aspie then I guess I'm a fairly obsessive perfectionist. This seems to be affecting most parts of my life.

In my work I get quite stressed out if I can't do my job really well - which I often can't due to the sheer amount of what I need to get done. This does not make me happy. I see Laurie having the same reaction to his homework. If every letter of his sentence is not technically perfect then he has to rub it out and start again. requires the patience and understanding of a saint...

At home we've been preparing our flat to put up for sale (for six months!!!!!!!!)

so how come even with a for sale sign up outside the bloody bath surround was still not done...

so with the prospect of viewings tomorrow I had to find a fabulous hero to come and fix it at no notice and godammit I found one on the internet.

now I know why I got rid of the telephone directories.

I rang the number at about 11.00 and got a lovely woman who understood my plight, got her man on the case and by 4.30 today it was done. Here are the details for my hero joiner and handyman who did a fab job...

so now at 9.30pm I feel that I need to prime the wood, and give it two coats of eggshell... what part of 'you don't need to do this' can't you understand Lou?

I also made Tim spend the whole weekend painting, tidying and cleaning. I even re-stained all the floors in the flat (no mean feat at all).

But at last the flat is looking splendiferous and is up for sale. So if you know of anyone who really needs a fantastic 5 bedroom apartment in the upcoming, and very trendy, southside of Glasgow then please call in and have a look.

Just give me enough warning to

• clean the floors, cooker and mirrors
• put all the rugs down which have been taken up because tammy still hasn't sorted out her bladder
• put new cream duvets with no dog hairs or paw prints on the beds
• put the air freshners on and then turn them off in time not to be overpowering
• turn all the lights on
• carefully position all the shiny display type things to make it look as if we are actually really interesting

At least I didn't give in to Tim's idea of leaving posy design magazines on the coffee table - a step too far for me....

the picture of my fab kitchen (designed by me and supplied by ikea) links to the estate agent website - for those who'd like a nosey...

youtubings

yes another youtube photo montage...

it isn't going to change the world but hell - someone might see it and think just a little bit longer...

returnings

Well only 7 months since my last post...

I think the build up to the big Make School Make Sense Campaign by the NAS, and the commitment and energy it required, coupled with 8 months of exhausting emotional strain just took effect.

We needed a break... and we've had one

And we're back!

How easy it is to lose momentum - not that I haven't been busy.

The photography continues - and I've been really busy getting into film and continuing my toy camera addiction. I have just got a new/old hasselblad (she is gorgeous) and I'm about to really statr experimenting with that.

But what people really want to know about is how Laurie's doing...

Well all I can say is he is doing incredibly well. Still at the fantastic school in Govan. He still has some lovely pals and is enjoying school as a whole experience. I know - how amazing is that?

I'll update more on him later which will include new found passions for acting and horse riding, whilst continuing the writing, chess and obsessive yu-gi-oh and pokemon stuff.

I am working on a new website to show my photos and have just made my first Youtube video. Have one on autism planned but this one is just about people...
remember my name....

drama queenings

yaaay

it's make school make sense launch day in Scotland.

there has been loads of press interest and it tied in with an HMI report also launched today about the shoddy state of affairs in Scotland.

we arrived at school this morning - just in time cause I got lost trying to avoid the traffic (which really stressed laurie out) to have all his classmates run over and say they'd seen us on tv. we were surprised cause we don't watch breakfast tv.

they'd put a short version on (the one that is currently on the website). it didn't include Laurie speaking but the evening one was slightly extended to include a bit of his interview about them letting him have quiet space. he was pleased about this. the video link (to the top right of the page will be there for a day).

I just hope the previous headmistress was watching!!!! we were really well behaved and all the time never mentioned which school we had all the difficulty with. took a fairly positive approach. we were in the Glasgow herald education supplement today but no photo.

then tonight had a photographer around to take shots to accompany an article and interview in tomorrow's scotsman newspaper.

we had a quiet halloween and to avoid the trick or treaters we went to the cinema together.

tim has just walked in through the door, back from korea with presents - so have to stop blogging!

really wanted to include a smiley pic for today (and did post one on flickr) but just prefer this one...

performings

wow - what a day

in addition to normal work and the online tutoring course today was a mass of phone calls to sort out media stuff for the National Autistic Society 'Make Schools Make sense Campaign'

Tomorrow is the big launch in Scotland. I was supposed to go to Holyrood (Scottish Parliament) but can't cause Tim is still in Korea. The school press photos didn't materialise yet but the BBC came round to our flat tonight to record somthing for tomorrows regional news (BBC Scotland).

It was very rushed, highly nerveracking and I'm sure I looked like an idiot. Laurie was really nervous and, of course, the big bright light didn't help his autistic sensibilities. We had just got back from school pick-up so didn't even have time to brush hair, check wobbly bits, etc...

he did brilliantly though and got to have a feel for the fancy gear...



not only that he has got a part in the christmas pantomime as the king in a sleeping beauty performance. he is so chuffed (poncy british word meaning very very happy).

All this star stuff may go to his head.

The TV bit will be on BBC Scotland tomorrow night - 31st at 6.30. It will also be on the web site for about a day or so.

poor old tim missed it all so we'll have to tape it for him. he's back late tomorrow night... hector the wonderdog will be beside himself as he's been pining away...

ramblings

well they say you shouldn't tempt fate - the bloody magic stick (sorry staff) has broken in two. the amber eyes stayed stuck in but it happened on the morning he was going back to school after the holidays!!!!

5 minutes before leaving he was swishing it around (tchew tchew) when hector the wonderdog ran into it and broke it right in the middle.

talk about tears - we've promised to stick it back together and bind it with some string etc., etc.

anyway back at school and doing fine!!!! yaaaay - still amazed.

he cried all the way there on wednesday because tim has gone away to korea for a week for work. aw sweet...

I've been totally barmy and as well as doing all the school drop offs and pick ups and dog walking and housework and cooking and my normal job - I've also been an online tutor for Oxford Brookes University. It's a great course and I'm really enjoying it, but today I didn't get to sit down at the computer till late and I was just too tired. will make up tomorrow.

I am always over committing myself - one of those really annoying natural volunteers. At least my colleagues at work try to stop me doing it now.

Ohh and watch this space as the National Autistic Society are launching the 'Make school make sense' campaign in Scotland on 31st October. I've done my interview with the journalist and they may be taking photos of Laurie for the Glasgow Herald educational supplement next Tuesday and also for the Times Educatonal Supplement. Cool - we really get to support this really important campaign and Laurie says he'll be even more famous!

I think his flickr celebrity may have gone to his head; )

and I'm also supposed to be writing 5 things feminism has done for me cause I received a blog meme from Nicki. Haven't had time to think but did post this abstract photo which reminded me of a woman spinning and of stuff I used to read about women weaving communities and connecting things. Not in the sense of a spinning top which is often what I look like; )

meanings

been a while...

we had a holiday last week - a few days out and visits and lots of home time. nice...

school update...
still no response from the education services since I wrote a letter asking them how we go about getting a "co-ordinated support plan" (new laws in Scotland mean that we need one of these to get the appropriate support. we have no idea whether Laurie will be going to a school in August or not - so can't prepare him - great - really helpful for a kid with Aspergers.

We suspect that we may have to continue home educating and that will mean plan c - getting an au pair to live in to cover when we're not here - not as an educator but as a companion and carer.

Failing that it's plan Z - give up work and home - which will take 3 months notice and selling...

Ah well time will tell.

life update...
In the meantime Laurie has been fine and fairly happy. Tonight though he was having a bath (usually a really good time for him) and I heard him crying. I asked what was up and he said he was crying because he didn't know what would happen if we all died. It went on for a while including questions like -

"what is the meaning of life"

"what's the point of living if we're all going to die"

"what would happen if you two die and leave me alone"

"humans will be left on a dark cold planet" - hmmmn

It was a bit tough - did the cycle of life thing, the part of the universe thing, there's no point in worrying thing!

poor lad - he thinks too much.

just like me.

done a new series on flickr - a story in six pictures which I really like and aims to show positives of Aspergers and some misconceptions - here are two of them.

two sides to every story

storytelling

I've been travelling for work and my 3g card that connects me to the interenet has broken.

Came home to loads of work emails and haven't been on flickr or blog.

Travelled down to Bristol with Laurie on the train ( 7 hour journey) to stay with my dad. laurie enjoyed seeing grandad while I traipsed around the country attending meetings...

Journey down was fine but journey back was a nightmaree for a kid with aspergers. We missed a connection due to a late train which arrived 'full and standing'!!!!! Grrrr

Had to stand in a packed corridor full of students shouting and laughing really loud - not their fault - they didn't know. Laurie got overloaded and was so desperate. He didn't have a meltdown but he just stood with his head down. Tears were pouring down his cheeks and I couldn't even comfort him as his sensitivities were so triggered that he couldn't bear to be touched. He describes it as being tingly...

We were three hours late but he was so delighted to be back home and with hector the wonderdog who was equally pleased...

He wont be going on a train any time soon.

In the meantime he's been writing a story on an old typewriter. We decided to make a story blog.

Here it is: http://demongate1.blogspot.com/

It is called demongate
and has a baddie called cyclonops who wants to take over the world...
Here is a drawing that he did to illustrate it...

He already has a couple of comments which is a great incentive for him to keep it up... thanks guys. I typed it in and changed a few spellings but the wording is all his own. He has an interesting way of expressing himself and I was surpised to see he started describing himself as a narrator who makes comments within the story...

thankings

not sure if all you guys who offer support and ideas look back but i often reply in comments...

so for those who may have missed my thanks/replys

VERY BIG THANKS - sure we are just at the beginning so stay with us

but I keep looking at my beautiful son in wonder and i am totallly convinced that asd is more a gift than anything else

and I am itching to convince the world...

this is called close
its about what happens when we connect...

celebratings

we have our diagnosis

we are all celebrating the news because for us it is a positive thing

this is called how do you make sense of the world



can't put a bigger version on this page as it messes up the right hand side of the page. The words say
you have no idea
what it means to be gifted with aspergers syndrome

see the National Autistic Society web site to read about the make school make sense campaign. I've written a letter to Alan Johnson, secretary of state for education and skills asking him to support the campaign.

washings

so funny to read your comments about the clothes thing. i've added a comment - from the heart...

it can take us up to an hour to get Laurie dressed depending on the softness, length of sleeves, fluffy bits and how much cotton an item has.

Can't believe that I seriously have conversations with my 9 year old about what percentage of cotton is in his clothes; )))

so funny but can be majorly frustrating when you have to go somewhere. i try to be patient...

hey the truant officer arrived today - now that was funny

totally unexpected he arrived on the doorstep. he actually was a nice guy doing a shit job.

i told him that we'd filled in the home ed forms and had the home ed person coming tomorrow for a visit.

i told him that we'd written to the education services about our decision.

there was no hint of 'you're breaking the law' although technically we are. he was fairly cool about it - went through the motions but it was clear he totally got why we were at this point. he said the system was based on 50's ideology which was no longer relevant - we can only agree...

so I wrote a curriculum out to show the home ed person. not expecting any problems - home ed is fine as long as he get's it 150% right first time!!!!

also the Steiner school rang to arange a meeting with us all - it will be on my birthday - so taking that as a good sign. if it comes off he will be in a class of 14! felt bad having to give her the background details of him, because of that bloody exclusion....grrrr, bitch and stuff


anyway we wait in hope but he is so much happier not having to do group work - although he turning into a fairly good cook working with me - will probably be a bit arsey though if he was a chef; )

this is what he looks like when he arsey

its called houdini blues after a favourite Kristen hersh track about labels

"Oh no don't you put me in that box
you know what you can do with those locks
bet your life I'll come crawling out again
you'll have to deal with me then
you'll hear me in the wind."

updatings

it's been a while...

decisions have been made...

we will home educate Laurie till the end of June (Scottish end of term). I've just written the letter to the education service stating all the reasons that we feel the mainstream system just doesn't offer an appropriate route at the moment. enjoyed writing that one as I also got to say exactly why we wont send him back to that school...

we went through a range of options to get through the next few months (nanny - too expenisve) (au-pair - very close second choice) (fabulous next door neighbour who knows us and our son and is studying for exams).

the latter is our choice. she will cover whilst I'm away from home.

Tim is a qualified teacher so we will work up a curriculum. He is so bright that
a) he probably doesn't need a curriculum
b) he teaches himself from the internet, cd roms and the history tv programs
c) we got some practical workbooks for his age range and it takes 2 minutes for him to complete a section!!!

when we've finished those we'll aim higher.

Also planning to enrol him in a local KUMON education centre - recommended to me by a mathematician. Uses a japanese method of teaching and doesn't appear to require group work and encourages independent learning.

Yaaaaay bloody yaaaaay

tomorrow we go to the appeal meeting re the exclusion - should be very interesting. my written submission would stand on it's own but we are going in person too. will have to tart myself up a bit - looking a bit grey and haggard - I wonder why????

I am thinking of going back to work on Tuesday. Not sure I'm ready but feel that I should get on with it (especially as I know things will be OK when I'm travelling). Working may way up to that one.

We went for outr final diagnosis re the spectrum but have to wait until they've seen him with peers!!! This will happen tomorrow as I managed to get Laurie back to the after school club ( the one with the woman who understands autism but can't mention it due to pressure from the witch) the Psychiatric team informed us that they were seriously considering a diagnosis of Aspergers syndrome but just needed to confirm his interactions with his peers. Tim and I can't really see that this will make a difference. we think it will just confirm what we have been saying about his interactions.

we then have to wait to get the grand result till first week in June.

Hey Ho as JD Salinger says...

probably no one listening anymore but I've been finding it hard to focus.

have done a whole series of high contrast black and white shots on flickr which make a set called autistic spectrum. each photo illustrates and has a description of one of the things that affects our lives.

Here is one of them which has been really popular. It illustrates the food issues ( restricted diet, being seen eating) and also issues of taste - re conforming to fashion - something my boy just does not do - kudos Laurie

it's called tasteful



and the caption says 'Sometimes it's more important to be human, than to have good taste. ~Brecht

happenings

at last

I feel able to blog...

disabled (I chose that word carefully) by my guilt and terrible state of mind I was unable to post for the last two days.

How very interesting - blogging as a reflection of the darkness of your soul... maybe I'll muse more on that in a future blog but it does very well reflect the 'forelock tugging' Lou that Tim sometimes gently laughs at.

So there we were...

faced with the big decision - to return to the existing school or try out a new one. our weekend was wrought with angst.. I set a deadline (as I am wont to do)...

we struggled, prevaricated, cogitated and eventually...

wimped out...

can you believe it (I can hear a few gasps)...

but wait...

so we decided that the new school in exactly the same format as the old one wouldn't work.
we cant go to the Steiner school that we do like until august.
we have to get by till august.

so we decided to go with the flow and try to send him back (bear with me guys cause there is a temporarily happy ending here).

So we broke the news to laurie and he dealt with it well - understanding that we had to make it through this term and then all would be better!!!!

Laurie and I walked down to the school on Monday and went inside the building ( the psychiatrist somehow felt this was really significant). I knew it wasn't because it wasn't that hard for him to do. It's not the building that causes him pain - it's the CHILDREN.

Tuesday (today) we dutifully followed instructions and turned up to have a chat with his teacher. He was cool about that and took some photos of his flickr art and of hector to show his teacher.

Oh no ----- ambush

unprepared and without ammunition we were caught in a room for an hour with the bloody headmistress and his teacher...

for an hour we were treated to a monologue about behaviour, rules and her authority.

Laurie understood about 40% of what she said which I did find an amazing percentage because whilst it was happening I estimated 20%. God she was so tedious... The teacher didn't get a word in edgeways.

Apparently the kids all call him a girl because of his hair (well blow me down!). Of course they don't mean to be horrid. They didn't realise - ah bless!!!!

What about the 'Laurie the loser' nickname - oh well some of the children said that when Laurie didn't 'get his own way' in group work and got upset he would call himself a loser ---

as I said in my reply to their exclusion report 'it is hardly surprising that he refers to himself in this way given that he has been persistantly called this for over a year by his peers' (mummy rant mode coming on)

so I sat and let her harangue him. She made him cry (she made me cry). she made us both very very angry...

we left saying we'd come into school tomorrow at 9.00.



OK so you can kick us when we are down but don't think we will lie down forever. I feel bad that I let her do that to us today. Where is the lioness that sarah mentions?


They paid no heed to his needs. They did not acknowledge his sensory overload issues.
I mentioned that the children banged on the tables when the teacher had an important announcement. I said that laurie did not understand this and that it hurt his ears.

I told them that I had suggested to laurie that it may be intended to be like a drumroll. His teacher said that it was and he was prepared to change this. The headmistress said that it was a standard method for getting the attention of children and to focus them to hear important announcements.

I let him and all kids with sensory overload down - I didn't say ' this would have the opposite effect on children who had sound sensitivity issues'. She told the teacher she would talk to him later and it was clear she was not prepared to change this practice for one kid - particularly one who blatently defies her and doesn't recognise her authority.

by the way woman - I did mention the words autistic spectrum disorder. He is being assessed for asd you know...

Well the lioness is prowling now and so is Tim the lion.

We are not sending him back...

they, and the educational psychologist and the child psychiatric team can all take a flying leap.

we know it is not OK to send him back.

The school now know that we are appealing against the exclusion ( and she has all her guns out) - met someone who works in the school who agreed re asd but couldn't talk about it with me. How neat it would be for them if they 'bent over backwards to accomodate' laurie and then had the opportunity to exclude him again before the hearing.

so bend over mrs headmistress... if I was any good at cartoons I would do one...

we are standing together on this one. We don't quite know how we will do this yet but we know we will.

Here is picture of a lioness to prove it...

and I finally did the unthinkable and am signed off on sick leave for stress for two weeks.

relief...

snivellings

thanks for all your comments guys.

we've been talking about what to do. still don't know.

rang the psychiatrist this morning and asked her if she really thought it would be in Laurie's interest (re his mental health) to go back to the school rather than try a new one. she's with the others on this - they all think it would be better for him to go back. told her about the charming kids calling him names last night. She tripped out the usual - he needs to learn to deal with it - give him techniques. I sometimes wonder if they understand that you have a brain - der - we've been trying to give him techniques to handle bullies since he started school!!!

maybe I could do with some; )

my main concern is that one of the people assessing him for aspergers could advise me to take him to noisy places. What part of 'it hurts my ears doesn't she get'. I interpreted this as her either not understanding enough about the senory overload stuff, or implying that he's making it up! tim was kinder and suggested that maybe they meant to de-sensitise him. I am aware that there are some therapies that may help but in a controlled and specially built environment. I hardly think a train station or supermarket counts as that. this is making me very worried about the help we are going to get.

rang the psychologist for alternative schools - on annual leave now and he is the only person who can advise. I've asked before anyway and he always says we're at the best school. god help us.

have to ring the headmistress to arrange a time to visit the building today. tim had to go into work so we can't talk it through - but this weekend we are going to have to make a definite decision - this drifting is killing me.

a few people have suggested getting signed off with stress. having a problem with this one (ms. I can cope with anything syndrome). do have to ring work though as I'm expected back next week - just need to get to the point where I can actually talk and not just cry down the phone.

sarah just rang and made me feel better :) you all make me feel better :)

my new camera arrived at last so here are my fab sequined shoes to help raise a few smiles. they look like magic slippers - two heel clicks and....

imaginings

feeling defeated tonight - in anticipation of an early morning meeting with the headmistress tomorrow. I know she'll patronise me and make me feel like shit.

I was supposed to meet with the educational psychologist attached to the school today but he put me off till next week. That will leave me exactly one week to sort out some type of educational support for my son. Either that or I get arrested, or have to lose my job and my home.

I rang the Education Authority for Glasgow and got no help. Apparently the only person who can help me find an alternative school is the ....wait for it.... educational psychologist. When I rang him and asked if he could suggest a school he said the one we were at was one of the best. Hey Ho where do we go....

Tomorrow I'm going to ask if they will let my son avoid the nightmare playground and lunchtime events. If they can excuse him from the gym because of the noise. I'll ask if he can be excused from group working which he finds so challenging and if he can wear ear plugs to block out the sounds that 'hurt'. Well I wonder what they'll say to that. Of couse I'm just a liberal parent who doesn't exhert any discipline of my child. Strange that given that he is a stickler for rules and gets very upset when people don't adhere.

Still I had a bright spot on my horizon today. The health authority came through trumps. I rang up to chase my referral from the GP to child and family psychiatric unit and found that they were faxing it through as urgent to be considered in todays round of cases. I don't know what priority they gave it but at least I know that someone, somewhere is thinking about the welfare of my son.

Also it was Tim's birthday and Laurie gave him a card saying ' no. 1 dad - you truly are the best'. So true...

We are so lucky...

This one is called Goldfish from a set called A different view - all taken by Laurie to show his perspective. This one represents us as a family swimming in one direction (against the tide) but strong and true... This one is for the health authority.



Stanley the dog is not here yet - kennel cough so he has to go to the vet on Fiday. we hope to pick him up on Saturday. hope he's good at swimming....