whistlings

I have a very happy boy - and that does make a change.

he loves his new school!!!!!

there have been a few blips and a few phonecalls with the new headmistress - which was expected. they are dealing with it very well so far.

despite this he loves it.

he is enjoying learning again

he has some pals

the kids are really making an effort...

he has made a positive impact on the class. he intoduced them to his blog and writing stories. they are al doing it now - at playtime for fun.

they all want to be famous and live in LA - so it goes...

here is my new whistling boy - may not last but fun for a while...

celebratings

such stunning news...

Laurie had a full week at school and he is still enjoying it...

he described it as 'a lovely school'
he said it was a million times better than the last one...

we spent the whole week waiting for the bad day... it didn't happen...yet

WOW this feels so strange...

the National Autistic Society contacted me about the Make School Make Sense Campaign being launched on 31st October in Scotland.

our story is going to be used as a case study - great...

we are feeling fairly positive - for a change

a happy photo for a change...

bettings

well if you'd asked me to put £20 down on the chance that today would go well - I wouldn't have gone for it on any odds (not that I understand the difference between 5-1 or 20-1)

1) I felt guilty at not being there (and had a wobbly start to the day)
2) I knew Laurie would be feeling very nervous
3) I've lost the ability to be totally optimistic

OK - so how did it go.

I think I've said before that we use numbers to measure how Laurie feels about things (he's comfortable with numbers). And today was..... (triumphant fanfare - but quiet for those with sensory sensitivities)...

nine and three quaters out of 10!!!!!

woah. big result. not many things get such a high result. Considering his days at the last school were in the minus figures and we haven't gone over five since we went to the Steiner school (which we failed to get in - see earlier post).

It's early days and we have learned to be philosophical...

there will be a honeymoon period BUT

he had a great day despite a teary start.

My son rocks big time - he is so brave and so open to new possibilities (despite the aspergers)

He talked for half an hour on the phone about his day and he described the group work session as 'good fun'.

so here I am daring to hope.

would I bet on the future - NO

but I may be a bit more hopeful. I've forgotten how to celebrate a good day. Maybe I'll get a bit more practice. Maybe not....

here I am waving to the future...

wild imaginings

wow - the visit to the new school went really well.

Laurie was really positive and the environment felt very gentle (despite being in one of the most deprived areas of Glasgow). The staff were fantastic and we had a really useful conversation about a plan for integrating him into the school.

The school only has 100 pupils (instead of the planned 400) so there is lots of space and quiet areas. Laurie went off with his teacher and met his new class. There is a boy with tourettes syndrome who looked after him. They had a great time. There are only 16 others in his class. maybe this could work...

So here is the plan...

instead of a slow transition we are going for a full time start (due to his positive response) from... tomorrow!!!!!!

and where am I - stuck in a hotel bar in bristol, while Tim completes the preparations for the morning. We went out and bought new clothes and shoes, etc. he is ready in a practical sense.

He is a bit nervous but really excited and positive. I wont be home till Thursday night - so have a few days at work while I wonder what's going on.

fingers, toes, and all relevant body bits crossed now! we are more hopeful but know that there will be some major blips. If it can work in mainstream school then this is a good try...

watch this space - we'll see if we can 'make school make sense' (National Autistic Society Campaign). I gave them piles of information about children with aspergers and learning and tried to explain his sensory issues. now it's over to them for a bit.

keep finding myself crying - a mixture of relief and apprehension and true admiration for such a brave kid.
how I feel today. best seen large - from a gravestone at the fabulous Glasgow Necropolis
melt...

For what is it to die, but to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?
Kahlil Gibran

new beginings

tomorrow we go to a new school....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and he is very positive about it.

if there is a goddess then now is the time to do your stuff lady...

we are...
apprehensive

hopeful

scared shitless

fingers crossed folks.

I wish we could take the new magic dragon staff...

layerings

back to reality

back to work

how can an email inbox be so demanding?

juggling the layers of life again so here is my representative photo

deeper than you imagine

That which I complained about in myself is some layers deeper than you imagine.
Anna Freud

musings

I keep having clashes with my past - how strange but OK.

Isn't that strange when you're feeling really vulnerable and dwelling on the terrifying future the past keeps coming back.

I think it's to remind you of the lessons you should have learned by now. Still learning...

Saw this amazing glass woman in the kelvingrove museum in Glasgow and I find it fascinating and compelling - she looks how I feel...

breaking of the shell


Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Kahlil Gibran

anticipatings...

I'm a bad blogger - just been incapacitated by huge overwhelming stuff...

Work has been a bit extreme as I just took on new stuff and I do have to try to be wonder woman.

In the middle of a two week break where I'm trying really hard to get things in perspective. Still wake at 5.00 worrying about al the things I haven't done yet!!!!

Get a grip Norma...

We've had some major movement re the schooling thing with Laurie. So tentatively hopeful but scared that it will all go pear shaped...

The Director of Special Needs came round to our house to discuss options for him. This is the plan...

He will enrol in a local school (recommended to us by someone who said the head teacher was amazing - if anyone can make inclusion work it's her). He wont just turn up this week but will have a phased transition (which does sound very plausable). He will get a personal tutor to help take the educational activity away from family and back to external educators. Then he will spend some time at the school in small bursts.

We haven't got a co-ordinated support plan but may get one at a later stage. Apparently he requires level 4 additional support needs (not a national measure).

We've explained the situation and driven past the school with him. His anxiety levels have, naturally increased, as have ours. We're walking on eggshells again!

He's still having CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) for anxiety but he is responding badly as he has to keep talking about his feelings, which is really difficult for him.

I told the psychiatrist that she was wrong to suggest that forcing him into uncontrolled environments to de-sensitize his sensory overloads would be beneficial!! Tim laughed at my presumptiousness - and tried to be diplomatic by suggesting that de-sensitize was the wrong word. She did agree with that and all ended harmoniously!!

I am such an arsey woman...

meanings

been a while...

we had a holiday last week - a few days out and visits and lots of home time. nice...

school update...
still no response from the education services since I wrote a letter asking them how we go about getting a "co-ordinated support plan" (new laws in Scotland mean that we need one of these to get the appropriate support. we have no idea whether Laurie will be going to a school in August or not - so can't prepare him - great - really helpful for a kid with Aspergers.

We suspect that we may have to continue home educating and that will mean plan c - getting an au pair to live in to cover when we're not here - not as an educator but as a companion and carer.

Failing that it's plan Z - give up work and home - which will take 3 months notice and selling...

Ah well time will tell.

life update...
In the meantime Laurie has been fine and fairly happy. Tonight though he was having a bath (usually a really good time for him) and I heard him crying. I asked what was up and he said he was crying because he didn't know what would happen if we all died. It went on for a while including questions like -

"what is the meaning of life"

"what's the point of living if we're all going to die"

"what would happen if you two die and leave me alone"

"humans will be left on a dark cold planet" - hmmmn

It was a bit tough - did the cycle of life thing, the part of the universe thing, there's no point in worrying thing!

poor lad - he thinks too much.

just like me.

done a new series on flickr - a story in six pictures which I really like and aims to show positives of Aspergers and some misconceptions - here are two of them.

two sides to every story

storytelling

I've been travelling for work and my 3g card that connects me to the interenet has broken.

Came home to loads of work emails and haven't been on flickr or blog.

Travelled down to Bristol with Laurie on the train ( 7 hour journey) to stay with my dad. laurie enjoyed seeing grandad while I traipsed around the country attending meetings...

Journey down was fine but journey back was a nightmaree for a kid with aspergers. We missed a connection due to a late train which arrived 'full and standing'!!!!! Grrrr

Had to stand in a packed corridor full of students shouting and laughing really loud - not their fault - they didn't know. Laurie got overloaded and was so desperate. He didn't have a meltdown but he just stood with his head down. Tears were pouring down his cheeks and I couldn't even comfort him as his sensitivities were so triggered that he couldn't bear to be touched. He describes it as being tingly...

We were three hours late but he was so delighted to be back home and with hector the wonderdog who was equally pleased...

He wont be going on a train any time soon.

In the meantime he's been writing a story on an old typewriter. We decided to make a story blog.

Here it is: http://demongate1.blogspot.com/

It is called demongate
and has a baddie called cyclonops who wants to take over the world...
Here is a drawing that he did to illustrate it...

He already has a couple of comments which is a great incentive for him to keep it up... thanks guys. I typed it in and changed a few spellings but the wording is all his own. He has an interesting way of expressing himself and I was surpised to see he started describing himself as a narrator who makes comments within the story...

refusings

the steiner school didn't offer us a place...

they don't have the staffing resources to cater for Laurie's special needs.

That's fair enough.

so now we take a few steps backwards...

just the thought of having to back to the education authority has raised all those earlier feelings again. we haven't told Laurie yet.

what alot of people in scotland say is 'what's for you wont go by you' so we'll go with that one.

a bit of a rethink planned for the weekend...

this one seems appropriate for today
the universe now beckons...

the universe now beckons
and Man, too, must take His place...
just a few last fleeting seconds
to wander in the waste
and the children who were ourselves move on
reincarnation now stills its perfected song
and at last we are free of the bonds of creation
van der graaf generator

wobblings

been away for work this week so didn't get much chance to blog

we have had a hard week

tim had his degree show - digital animation mphil so he had to get all the animations ready, deal with external examiners, breaking bad news to some students and generally having to work all hours...

he now has some relief and the show was excellent - so he is really proud of them all

I had an abcess on my tooth so was going around looking like a chipmunk and managing the pain

laurie has been a bit unsettled - probably due to us

we're all relieved it's the weekend!

my flickr pal kym is having a hard time so made her a picture

it's about having to cope with big changes
called influences that modify the being

waitings

still waiting for psychiatric team report

still waiting to hear back from steiner school

good job we've developed patience beyond the usual in the last few months

this one is called perverse

Yes, though you may think me perverse, if it were proposed to me to dwell in the neighborhood of the most beautiful garden that ever human art contrived, or else of a Dismal Swamp, I should certainly decide for the swamp.
Henry David Thoreau

so would I

sensings

make school make sense


http://www.nas.org.uk/msms
support the campaign...

I got a pack for schools in the post today - going to send it to the headmistress; ))

still haven't heard from the steiner school yet - but I wasn't at home on thursday/friday they may have rang while I was out.

still haven't had our report re the diagnosis which I'm really looking forward to reading.

having a strange and wierd wobbly day today - unexpected but probably just a bit of backlash from the last few months...

steinerings

we went for our interview with the Glasgow Steiner School yesterday. The most amazing thing about it is that laurie says he feels 10/10 about it. He has not felt 10/10 about anything for as long as I can remember!!!!!

We use numbers to guage feelings because it is the best way for laurie to explain how he feels about something and I know his scaling system so well that I can accurately guage what his reaction to something is. (Is that a split infinative - I know I do them alot).

to boldly go.....

anyway Tim had a good old laugh at the interview because they said that laurie wasn't allowed to watch TV or play computers!!!!!!! he said my expression was priceless...

alert alert - this is boy who is learning german, chess , geography and history online. This is the boy who takes digital photos, manipulates them and makes art!!!

so on the one hand we have 10/10 and on the other we have - change this family forever!!!!


we'll try it anyway....

Tim said that I looked so shocked bacause I wouldn't be able to spend so much time on flickr!!!!

So did I get my new camera lens for my birthday or did I get a book.

Hey I got a book

but so funny - the book is about the psychology of internet addiction. I think he's trying to tell me something!!!!!

this one is called only shine


I only shine
with you
you see
the reflection of yourself
mirrored between the two

solar returnings

it is an hour away from my 45th birthday..

I feel so good about it too.

Laurie's present to me is to dress up in anything I ask and pose for photo's, plus massages (which he is very good at) and probably helping me cook dinner. How cool that he has just hit the wanting to be independent in the kitchen.

You know that thing where you spend years thinking - god I look forward to the day he can bring me a cup of tea in bed - getting close....

other presents to be revealed. I really need a computer as I'm running out of photo storage space.

also need a new lens because the standard lens with the canon 350d (which is a fab camera) is a bit soft and doesn't focus properly...

will probably get books; )))

which is cool.

me and lozzie have been a 'bit under the weather' - terribly british way of saying I feel crap, bit of a temperature and our legs don't work.

photo of the day...
called exterminate


british flickerites seem to like it

Laurie loves the daleks and so do I.

happy birthday norma - drama queen, librarian, woman of no labels, woman who sometimes needs labels, imposter, blogger, logger, flogger and godamm wonder woman (sometimes - after a few glasses of wine), learner and mother

thankings

not sure if all you guys who offer support and ideas look back but i often reply in comments...

so for those who may have missed my thanks/replys

VERY BIG THANKS - sure we are just at the beginning so stay with us

but I keep looking at my beautiful son in wonder and i am totallly convinced that asd is more a gift than anything else

and I am itching to convince the world...

this is called close
its about what happens when we connect...

bloggings

not an inspirational title but the thing I feel like talking about...

how interesting that blogging has been a MOST (big shout) important mechanism for me in the last few months.

I've kind of been into diarying but not as much as others. i love writing but get incapacitated by the GREAT novel ( so original norma/lou).

so why has this blog worked for me in a way that I never anticipated?????

because it's real ---- my need is real-----the listeners/readers/audience is real

how strange that the reader maketh the blog kinda thing...

writing my previous entry - the YES we got the diagnosis entry... was really important to me.

i've mentioned this to a few friends lately and it is clear that they don't get it. Why on earth would writing such intimate details to the whole world be OK.

i don't know the answer/I love the answer/

it's very private...
it's so public...

and so those fantastic ironies/contradictions work well for me - particularly now.

I'm a blogger/flogger of stories/logger of lives

and a gemini with libra rising so contradictions work and the photo of the day will be....

torture garden

The universe appears to me like an immense, inexorable torture-garden.... Passions, greed, hatred, and lies; law, social institutions, justice, love, glory, heroism, and religion: these are its monstrous flowers and its hideous instruments of eternal human suffering.
Octave Mirbeau

someone save me...

celebratings

we have our diagnosis

we are all celebrating the news because for us it is a positive thing

this is called how do you make sense of the world



can't put a bigger version on this page as it messes up the right hand side of the page. The words say
you have no idea
what it means to be gifted with aspergers syndrome

see the National Autistic Society web site to read about the make school make sense campaign. I've written a letter to Alan Johnson, secretary of state for education and skills asking him to support the campaign.

treblings

OK

I know I should be in bed...

but Lozzie did some good work today

here is his most popular - he said it's probably because its colourful...

well it would stand out in my present photostream anyway.

Of course loads of fab folk on flickr have resonded already and he is very pleased..

hey thanks guys...

he did the photo, the manipulation and the mosaic while I made tea!!!

it's called the grid

we don't do very imaginative titles: )